Monday, May 3, 2010

May Already?!

I dunno about anyone else but I'm just floored that it's already May. I feel like it was just New Years and we're now edging toward the year being half over. I really wish I could slow time down. Anyway, it's Monday yet again and I've spent the better part of the day yawning. Is it Friday yet?

This past weekend it officially got hot. I'd forgotten how miserable it gets in my 5th floor apartment but I was surely reminded quickly. My friend, Kristine, lives on the hot 5th floor of her building as well and said hey, it's a free sauna! to which I had to giggle. Oh, how I miss central air conditioning. I did enjoy a relatively relaxing weekend overall (which I needed after Brant being here!) but I still feel so tired.

The half marathon is less than three weeks away and I'm feeling a mixture of nerves and excitement. As mentioned, the weekend was hot and I had quite a frustrating 9 mile run on Saturday. I already knew I wasn't properly hydrated and I've gotten pretty poor sleep the past couple of weeks but it's still discouraging to me each and every time a run doesn't go well. I'm hard on myself and I know it so I just tried to let it roll off my back the best I could. I guess sometimes I get frustrated when, for example, a few days prior to that I knocked out 8 miles with strength and ease. All I can do is work hard and be as consistent as possible so I just pray for strong legs and solid breathing the day of the half. I'm shooting for 8 miles tomorrow and 10 on Saturday so I'm going to stay positive.

On a different topic, I tried a new church on Sunday morning and was so disappointed. It's been a very long time since I went to a service where the pastor basically told people they were wrong if they didn't do things a certain way. I was pretty shocked and it took me back years to when I'd experienced pretty awful judgment and condemnation in some churches I've attended. I can't even begin to get into my views on faith in a blog entry but I will state this opinion boldly: people get it all wrong. People put their own spin on things and allow their own opinion to completely overshadow any part of what Jesus was put on this earth to do. I love how those same people will wear the "WWJD" bracelets because you know what Jesus did? He walked with the "sinners" and talked to the non-believers and loved the unloveable; THAT is what Jesus did. He did not point fingers, he did not condemn, he did not judge. Jesus loved. The pastor on Sunday made this exact statement: If you only pray for five minutes in a day then you have nothing to say to god. I about smacked somebody. I had such a heavy heart because god loves us just as we are, just where we are. There is no rulebook and there is no 'how to' guide for prayer or for any part of a relationship with god. It is a personal, intimate relationship that gives no other human being the right to judge. Just the other day, I had probably the most intense moment in prayer that I've had in years when I took two seconds out to say god, thank you for saving my life. How does anyone reserve the right to say that I've got nothing to say to god if I only pray for five minutes? I reserve my own right to invite people into my life to learn exactly what that two second prayer means to me and I find it incredibly sad and wrong that anyone might stand in judgment.

I have to stop myself from going on and on but I was sort of refreshed by that service in my quest to truly live my life the way I believe god calls all christians to do - in faith and accepting love. So, I turn the anger I felt from that service into motivation to never stand in judgment of anyone the way I felt that pastor did of his congregation. I pray that I will always be set apart and that my life will reflect the true actions of 'what Jesus would do'.

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