Wednesday, November 25, 2009

One More Day...

I absolutely cannot believe another Thanksgiving is upon us. This last year has passed by in a blink and I realize more and more everyday how necessary it is to just slow down. I'm known to be a meticulous planner and one who needs everything lined up, organized, and thought out. I have a really hard time being spontaneous (looks like this will be a new years resolution!) and just allowing myself to "be". This is actually one huge point of focus for me as I go through counseling because, if you're not careful, life WILL pass you by. Quickly.

At any rate, on the eve of another Thanksgiving celebration, I find myself really and truly thankful for so much. I'm not sure that I've ever felt a peace in my heart the way I do this year and I think that's opened several more doors of opportunity to feel humbly grateful for many things in my life. It's so easy in life to become cynical, bitter, hopeless, full of resentment...the list could go on. Far too often, we skip right over the truly simple pleasures of life that are like tiny individual blessings. Instead, our minds go straight to the things we don't have or to the things that aren't "fair". We look at other peoples' lives and covet what they have and we measure ourselves to a standard of the 'world' that is both unattainable and, quite frankly, shameful. I've always found it so fitting that our faith is often related to being child-like. Kids are so innocent, joyful, and simple. It requires next to nothing to make them happy and they believe in miracles in a way that should really teach us adults a lesson. They love freely, give openly, and want nothing more than to be happy. What a lesson to learn! If only we could apply the example of being child-like into each and every day we live. Can you imagine what joy there would be around every corner?

This year, I am so humbly thankful for where I am and, at times, I feel like my heart might bust into a million pieces with how overwhelmed I am with blessing. I'm working really hard to get back to a place of simplicity, where love, acceptance, and patience are the virtues I live by. I've become hardened and callous to so much and my biggest prayer is that god would melt down the cynicism and open my eyes in a new way to what it means to live by love. A friend I know through Tom wrote me yesterday and posed this question:

Am I too much of a romantic and/or naive to think that, regardless of age/our station in life/goals etc., that love IS enough and that the heart CAN dictate what we end up doing...?

Granted, we were catching up about what had happened between Tom and I, (he had just found out that we broke up) but this question holds so much more weight to me than in what context it was posed. It is the first time in so very long that I've heard like this with a belief in love/the heart that outweighs logic and analysis. It forced me to think seriously about what it is that I DO really believe. Years ago, I would have been the one posing that question to someone else. Over the course of time, many painful and wrong choices, and lots of heartache, I have become hardened to the ability to think with the heart. I've become too logical in ways and lost some of the magic that comes along with thinking with my heart. I used to be so carefree and giving of love and the years have eroded the bank of joy that's produced through feelings. I talk here about being child-like and letting go of trying to control each outcome, yet do I really take the time to let my heart do some of the talking every now and then? Of course as you get older, decisions become harder and choices hold more weight, but I wonder if some of the 'secret to life' IS to believe that love is enough and that love has that much power. Needless to say, Dave gave me a big fat chunk of something to ponder and it's aroused a way of thinking for me that's been dormant for a very long time. The funniest part is that I never would have pegged Dave for being such a romantic, ha! It's funny what you can learn about people when you just begin to engage interest in who they really are.

I have no idea what lies ahead for me but I do know this...I would so much rather believe in love and in the magic of what it can do in life than remain hardened. This ties completely into my faith as well since, as Hebrews states, faith is being "sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". Doesn't love operate on the same illogical basis and doesn't it require faith, too? Hmmm, something very very real to think about and I am quite grateful for all the ways in life that things like this are revealed. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Dave. I'm thankful that you did.

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