Summer

Let's talk about happy things. Let's talk about summer and sunshine and friends. The sad things I've gone through lately are hereby considered past events and I no longer give them power. So, let's talk about being free and open and alive!

Can you believe it's almost the end of August? Nope, me either. Summer seriously brings me back to being a kid. The smell of burgers on a grill, sweet summer corn, late sunsets, super soft green grass on your bare feet...there's so much goodness in summer.

I've spent my first in Denver exploring as much as I can. There have been BBQ's, new friends, afternoons in the park with smoothies and a good book, rooftop bars, delicious new restaurants, awesome runs and CrossFit classes. There's been newness and fresh starts, laughter and wine, hikes and birthday parties. There's been whiskey tasting, pesto making and beer drinking. There's been park discovering while out on weekly walks, trivia night at the bar, Moscow Mule drinking and cheese tasting. There's been that 3am night (or two) out, weekend day trips, friends in town and church hopping to find that hopeful spot to call 'home'. There's been that one-extra-glass-of-wine-too-many, all because of an immeasurably beautiful evening on a patio discussing the beauty of this world with a trusted friend. There's been homemade tomato basil soup, strong Americanos early in the morning and the occasional pancake breakfast after a nice, long walk. Cigarettes have been smoked, sangria has been made and adventures have been had. Life has been lived.

Here's what some of that looks like:

Just a quick hello from up on the roof:

;)

Don't forget the cocktails. Ohhh, the cocktails...

Summer makes you feel good down to your bones. Warm sun, cool (thanks to being in Colorado!) breeze and refreshing rain showers that are followed by bright, beautiful rainbows. What a sign of promise a rainbow is. A promise of light after darkness, that life will shine beautifully even after the ugliest of storms:

Summer has been good for me. I'm shedding an old skin and finding my new self. I love just that, the whole finding myself thing. You shed some tears, you share some laughs and you dig into the soul of yourself which is a fascinating, complicated, intricate, awesome journey. I wouldn't trade what I've gone through because I'm presently here, discovering how to live in this very 'now'. Dang, it's good. So good. 

Truth.

Happy Summer, all. I hope yours has been full of all the sunshine you can handle and all the hugs you could hope for.

Starting Over

I'm taking a little inspiration today from my dear friend, Patrick's, openness recently in one of his blog posts. He talked about starting over, questioning what you do or could've done to make things turn out differently, knowing your self worth...things that are part of all of our lives in some capacity. It's not an easy thing to expose yourself and share things that are raw. But, this is life. Real life where things get messy, ugly and chaotic. To expose yourself is to find power within which is why I appreciate Patrick's words and willingness to share who is.

I closed a chapter in my life last night. One I didn't want to close and one that I thought could be a renewed season of life for me. Unfortunately, not all of those decisions were up to me. Sadly, the outcome wasn't at all what I expected. Not because I didn't get some answer I wanted or because it didn't turn out how I hoped, it was unexpected because it was much more painful and harsh than it should've been. I felt things that I didn't think I would. Things like being discarded, misunderstood, replaceable. Things that strike the core of your soul and things that have the ability to really dent your self worth. The tricky part of situations like this is that only you can determine your self worth. If it's tied up in someone or something or circumstances, you'll likely be disappointed every time hardship hits.

For most of us, finding value and self worth is a painstaking, constant journey. Whether things in your past shape that or where you find yourself presently, to intimately know that you are so special and wonderful is a mighty task to conquer. Society today certainly doesn't lend itself to an environment where loving ourselves is first. We're bombarded with every other thing that reminds us of how we're not good enough. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough, not slim enough, not funny enough; the list goes on. The only way we can combat such complicated, raw feelings is to decide to know that we are more than good enough. Each life out there is unique, rare, ever evolving. We're each magical in our own right and we bring things to this life and universe that are powerful, true and remarkable. Every person out there has a responsibility to themselves to choose to view their life like this. No other person or thing has the power to destroy these tremendous qualities in us unless we allow them to.

Last night, I felt profoundly judged and misunderstood. Enough so to make me second guess who I am, what I offer and how valuable I am. Enough so to where some of the tender, beautiful self worth that I've acquired (with much fragility) as of late was tarnished. I'm sure the perspective of how I saw the situation was not mutually shared and I'm sure I'd be viewed as wrong. But, you know what? I don't care. I've been fiercely caring and caring about change, growth and fresh starts and I've been putting so much work into my life recently. I simply cannot bear the burden any longer of what people think of me, my thoughts or my feelings. I cannot - and will not - apologize for who I am anymore. I know unequivocally that I'm making changes that are bettering me and I'm proud of it. For me, there's nothing quite as painful as when someone keeps you in a box, confined to who you once were or how you once acted. It's very, very rare in this life to find people that will stand by you resolutely with love, tenderness and understanding and to also believe in your ability to change. For me, the time has most certainly come to move forward and to appreciate me for exactly who I am. To believe in myself regardless if any other person will.

I am starting over. Again. This time, with the confidence that it's fully the right time, that proper decisions - painful, heartbreaking decisions - have been made and that the true fresh season of life that I was hoping to begin last night will ultimately be a chapter I'll begin writing solely for myself. You know what? That's ok. It's the right thing.

Above all, I know that I deserve people in my life that will never strip things away from me, block me from shining or make me doubt myself in any capacity. I am a wonderful, lovely person with more to give than I could ever ask to receive. I hope I never feel the way I did last night again. But, if I do, I will choose to continue shining. Brightly. Magnificently. Spectacularly. Because I am those things. 

A Quick Hop Over To St. Louis

Every summer growing up, we went to St. Louis for a week to visit our cousins. Outside of Christmas, it was the event of the year. My cousins had a pool, a pinball machine, a pool table, endless bags of chips, a fridge stocked full of soda...it was paradise for a kid and I couldn't wait for it every year.

Almost ten years ago, one of my cousins married an amazing Spanish man and moved to Madrid. While they get back to the US fairly often, timing has never been in our favor to head back to St. Louis at the same time. Until now. Turns out my parents, Allison and I were all free the same weekend to head back to the good ol' midwest while Rachel, Gonzalo and their daughter, Renata, were visiting. It's been five years since we were all together. Even though I'm older now, the same excitement I had as a kid resurfaced and I could only think about the pool, sunshine and beers instead of sodas. See? There are some perks to getting older.

I'd gotten in late on Friday night but I sure was up early to get myself out to the pool:

 

Exactly the same as I remembered it. Out of all the kids, I was always the one in the pool from morning til night. You just couldn't get me out and the torch has definitely been passed on to both of my cousins' kids. I had so much fun watching them do cannonballs, back flips and, best of all, swimsuit model poses. 

There was the fashionista:

 

The bodybuilder:

 

The dancer:

There was even the pose of terror (meant to be VERY scary, people):

Models in the making, I tell you.

Sweet Gonzalo played with them all day in the pool:

Trust me when I tell you he's one of the greatest fathers I've ever seen.

The day was gorgeous. Perfect amount of coming and going clouds that made for ideal snoozing in the sun:

 

Some could attest to that more than others:

 

 

 

Don't be mad, Dad. Just capturing you in all your glory.

While I was thrilled to see everyone, I was especially excited for the time I got with sweet Renata:

She's absolutely precious. She even dealt patiently with me annoying her to speak in Spanish. That little voice! I love her.

One of my favorite traditions we carried out for years was smoking ribs. My uncle would slow smoke them all day and we'd have a feast after an afternoon full of diving board contests and going backwards down the slide. Obviously, our trip wouldn't be complete without the same tradition.

That's only the top layer of what totaled 12 racks of ribs in the smoker:      

Hot damn, that's what I call summer.

Once we all showered, it was definitely happy hour time. I can't tell you how awesome it was to catch up with Gonzalo:

Don't let so many years pass without seeing people you love. Really.

After some chatting and vino drinking, it was time for dinner:

This is some stuff I can get down with. It was a full night of conversation, (expensive!) wine drinking, good food, fun fireworks and all around important time with family. Lightning bugs were out, the lingering smell of smoke from the smoker was in the air and even a brief rain shower came along to cool things off. Really, these are things that make summer what it is for me.

Our last morning, Aunt Renata made delicious baked apple pancakes for breakfast:

I was surprisingly reserved in not asking for seconds. Pancakes and bikinis don't go well together.

Allison and I walked through Uncle Bruce's garden afterward and ate cherry tomatoes off the vine:

 

He's growing a lot of awesome stuff this year, even grapes. I swear, the only time I ever wish I had a house of my own is for a big, sprawling garden. He's got the most awesome irrigation system and it's so neat to see how it all works.  

The weekend was very short but sweet. I have a small family and the time together truly counts. I hope years don't pass before we all see one another again, that's for sure. I don't think I could go that long without those infamous ribs...

When I left and looked through my photos, I saw that the girls had gotten ahold of my phone and took some photos of themselves. I just want to squeeze sweet Alexandra here:

 

That was a happy surprise to find after the sadness of goodbyes.

I hope all of you are having a wonderful summer and cherishing the little things. That's what it's all about. 

A Georgia Peach In The Rocky Mountains

I've lived in Colorado for nine months. That's exactly nine months too long to go without having my mom visit. You'd think after living out of Georgia for so many years, I'd be used to being far away from her. Guess what, guys? You never get used to being far away from your mom. After Allison got to have a whole week with her back in May, I decided it was my turn. So, she booked a week to come visit over 4th of July. Hooray!

Welcome to Denver, Mom! Aren't you just as cute as ever:

After we got Mom's stuff settled at my apartment, I treated her to breakfast at Syrup. I told her we'd need a solid meal in order to face a day full of brewery touring. Don't underestimate her, though. This woman can hang.

Once we were nice and full on benedicts, hash and pancakes, we headed up to Boulder so I could show her Caffe and then meet friends at Avery. Mom is a huge beer lover and I knew Avery would be a favorite for her. I totally love it there. The boys are cute, the beers are awesome and everyone is damn friendly. They know so much about brewing and it's just fascinating to sit and chat with any one of their bartenders or staff. They really take pride in what they do and it shows. Mom did several different tasters including a bock that literally tasted like campfire. It was amazing.

From there, I took her to Denver Beer Co. where she very happily tasted their graham cracker porter and kaffir lime wheat. We had fun:

Even in altitude, Mom held her own. I guess that's where I get it from.

We met my friend, Alisa, later that evening at D Bar where I was shocked to find their food as good as their desserts! I had this pizza salad wrap thing that was dang delicious. Anyway, you don't wanna know about that. You wanna know about this chocolate fudge cake:

And this almond ice cream sandwich made with waffles and three different kinds of cherries:

Nope, we were not disappointed.

Throughout the week, Mom got to meet different friends and hop around to some of my favorite local spots. She had her first Moscow Mule at Parallel 17 where she also got to meet my girl, Mindy:

She came with me to Three Lions which has totally become a second home for me:

She also came to 'observe' one of my CrossFit classes where the guys were ready to put her to work! They graciously allowed her to sit out but only this time... We got margaritas and Mexican after because that's just what you should do:

On 4th of July, I was off of work and super stoked to take Mom up to Evergreen. I knew she'd love the drive and Wildflower Cafe even more:

She tried a basil bloody mary and proclaimed that breakfast all around was the best she'd ever had. There's a literal inability not to smile when you're around this sweet lady. She just brings joy and sunshine to everything, even breakfast.

Afterward, I took her down to Red Rocks where she truly was blown away:

She'd never seen anything like it. I so loved watching her gaze out at the rocks with a look of wonder on her face. It touched my soul.

Since we were so close to Golden, we headed over to Golden City Brewery and sat outside for a while before we decided we were melting. It was such a hot day so we decided to head back to Denver for something a bit more refreshing; air conditioning and blueberry vodka lemonade:

The next day was what's called First Friday here in Denver. Each month on the first Friday, locations all over Denver do open air art walks which are so cool. I'd been to two different locations before so I was thrilled to take Mom to try the one up on Tennyson Street. We did a little happy hour at Udi's first and then it was off to meet my friend, Chelsea, to roam the streets:

I loved seeing Mom have such a good time. I knew she'd really enjoy anything art related so it made me happy to share something she's passionate about with her. Before we knew it, it was time for dinner at Root Down. We drank delicious apricot gin cocktails and heard such fun stories from Chelsea about growing up in Minnesota (including how they make homemade snow!):

It really was a perfect evening.

As if Mom being in town wasn't terrific enough, we got to see my awesome friend, Jessica, from San Diego the next morning. She and I had talked for weeks about going to Denver Biscuit Company when she got here and it was number one on the priority list. I was SO glad we got to do it:

I mean, let's just hit the pause button on life for a second:

Goodness. Nothing but goodness.

The rest of Mom's trip, we really just bummed around town and had so much fun together. Cocktails, sunshine, conversation:

Even though it was a Sunday night, it absolutely didn't stop us from having a night on the town. Sometimes, you just let life lead you wherever it wants to take you and it turns out perfect. I found it completely hilarious that ALL the guys would not leave Mom alone. They loved her:

Who would blame them?

Due to some funny circumstances, we ended up at a bar downtown known for punks, beards and lots of tattoos. Mom, in her sweet Dog Paddle shirt, was a total hit:

I'll be cracking up about that entire night for quite some time.

So sadly, Mom's last night in town inevitably arrived. I wanted to cook dinner for her and just enjoy our final hours together simply. Homemade pesto with roasted chicken, baby kale salad and crisp prosecco, mmm:

It's been ages since I've shared such special one on one time with Mom and I'll honestly cherish it for a long time. Things have not been easy for me since I've arrived in Colorado. That's a hard but truthful fact. Mainly, having to face a lot of hardship alone has been incredibly trying and heartbreaking at times. Not being able to just walk down the street to Allison's place or call up my closest friends to meet me for a margarita makes a vast difference when going through a hard time. So, having Mom come be with me for a week was healing for the spirit and comforting for the soul. I'm so fortunate to have gotten even a small, temporary breather from feeling so blue.

Thank you for coming to see me, Mom. Thank you for hugging me and for letting me cry on your shoulder. Thank you more for helping me smile and see the glorious goodness I have in my life because you're my mom. You're the greatest person I know and I miss you more than any words could explain. I love you.

The Power Of Now

Oh boy, friends. I've stumbled upon something that pisses me off and elates me at the same time. No, I didn't find a new ice cream flavor directly after my CrossFit class. Though, that's not far off from the wine dates I seem to schedule after. Anyway, I found a book that's been a pretty heady mind bender but in an awesome way.

I'm reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I've really had a hard time in my life with the battlefield that is my mind. Some of the things that creep in and tousle the good til it's upside down make for a pretty tough path sometimes. I think what frustrates me a lot is the fact that I see this coming, watch it happen and let it burn me. Then, I think about what that means for me in the future and it's like this cyclical madness. I can't ever seem to live in the 'now' and be 'present' which is something I marvel at when I so clearly meet someone that does live in this place. What, you think that's nuts? So do I. Enter 'The Power of Now'.

I'd read some reviews on this book a while ago but it seemed too "universe" for me. I'm definitely spiritual and my faith is strong but I'm not so much of a "world" and "vibes" and "universe" person. It just doesn't jive with me even if I can fully and totally appreciate the people it does speak to. This book is about finding your place in the here and now. It's about reaching inside and pulling out the pain, fear and sadness that has buried itself in your head and it's about facing it, making it known and forever letting go of it. Back in 2009, I started intense therapy and went for about a year. It changed my life. What nobody tells you, however, is that the patterns and cycles come back with vengeance if you don't guard you heart and life against them. So, I'm definitely not too proud to admit that I've been a casualty of this, for sure. This is where the book is pissing me off and opening my heart all at once because it's speaking to many areas that have been rooted very far from the 'now'.

Guys, how often do we all wonder where we're going or why we're here or what we're doing? I don't know a single person who doesn't question what the future holds or what's in store. Hello, my name is Valerie and I'm a 'what does the future hold' addict. It's true, I've suffered from this forever. I've never seen it clearly because it's never under the guise of things like marriage or kids or a house...things that people seemingly measure as milestones or steps in life that make you "happy" or feel like you've "made it". It's more that I have a dreamer's way of viewing the world which I love about myself most days. It's suffocating on those not-so-good other days, though.

The Power of Now has rocked me. It's thrown in my face all the things that I excuse as being "just who I am" instead of realizing that they are traps and emotional road blocks. I'm emotional. I feel deeply and I'm sensitive. What's hard is that I'm fiercely prideful and driven so most people will never, ever understand that I'm sensitive. I am now understanding how much of a choice I have in this emotional cycle, thanks to ol' Eckhart. He writes:

The more you are identified with your thinking, your likes and dislikes, judgments and interpretations, which is to say the less present you are as the watching consciousness, the stronger the emotional energy charge will be whether you are aware of it or not. Mind, in the way I use the word, is not just thought. It includes your emotions as well as all the unconscious mental-emotional reactive patterns.

An emotion usually represents an amplified and energized thought pattern and, because of its often overpowering energetic charge, it is not easy initially to stay present enough to be able to watch it. It wants to take you over and it usually succeeds unless there is enough presence in you. If you are pulled into an unconscious identification with the emotion through lack of presence, which is normal, the emotion temporarily becomes "you". Often a vicious cycle builds up between your thinking and the emotion. They feed each other. The thought pattern creates a magnified reflection of itself in the form of an emotion and the vibrational frequency of the emotion keeps feeding the original thought pattern. By dwelling mentally on the situation, event or person that is the perceived cause of the emotion, the thought feeds energy to the emotion which, in turn, energizes the thought pattern and so on. 

It's funny when you read something that feels like it was written just for you. There's a bunch more awesome stuff in there so maybe you'll consider picking up a copy.

I'm a work in progress, friends. I think we all are. All we can do is try and the 'trying' is what makes us eventually fearless. Fearless and bold and carefree and strong and limitless. We are all limitless. Believe it. Believe it now and live in this place. Not in the past, not in the future. Just now.

Sara Forte, A Woman After My Own Heart

Becoming ingrained in the food blogging world is kinda like this fierce downward spiral that you'd never want to halt. One day, you're sitting there all bored at work and not even Facebook can kill time any longer. You browse the net for articles or gossip...anything that will make the day pass...and then you stumble upon a site that changes everything. Over five years ago, I so happily came across 101 Cookbooks, one of the unwavering staples in my food blog collection today. This blog opened my eyes to the vast world of food writing and Heidi's recipes became a sort of obsession for me. I went back to the very beginning of her blog and started reading my way through the entire thing, one post at a time. Her practical honesty and straightforward approach to healthful, wholesome foods really changed every idea I had about cooking at that point. I fell in love with her ideas and craved the goodness that she was creating. She's a mighty accomplished photographer as well and something about her blog fed not only my eyes but my soul. It was the first open door that I stepped through into the culinary world and my oh my, what an unexpected treasure that is.

From 101 Cookbooks came a newfound hobby and purpose for me. I became so hungry for new material, ideas and passions which led me to find the folks dear to my heart to this day. The fiercely talented and oh so fun Deb Perelman of Smitten Kitchen. The sweet and artful Lindsay Landis of Love and Olive Oil. The charismatic and sassy Joy Wilson of Joy the Baker. These are but a few of the people I have followed for years and have virtually gotten to know. These people invite you into their lives, expose their hearts and share with you such romantic, beautiful ideas of what food means to them. You begin to connect with perfect strangers, sharing a love of something you hold dear, and they become your friends. Their words inspire, transform and move you. Your spirits are lifted on days you feel low, their stories make you laugh when maybe all you've done recently is cry and they provide an outlet so joyful that your heart can't help but overflow. I am one of millions of people who follow these amazing women (and so many more!) and they have touched my life without my ever even meeting them. Isn't that fantastic?

My most recent find leaves me with one sentiment. HOW have I NEVER read this blog before?! A friend of mine in San Diego, who knows how much I love this stuff, sent me the link to Sprouted Kitchen not even a week ago. I have since read the entire site from start to finish and I'm in love. Sara and Hugh Forte, a husband and wife team, have created this thoughtful, lovely blog that focuses on whole food cooking. Sara cooks, Hugh photographs. I have been moved to tears by Sara's words in more than one post and all of her food looks divine. She is a creative, sensitive soul and I have never identified so much with someone's writing (or with someone for that matter!) as I do hers. When I read her post on whole wheat persimmon ricotta scones (an adaptation of Deb's recipe, hey-yo!), I swear I felt like I was reading my own writing. She says:

To read through Deb Perelman of The Smitten Kitchen's book felt sentimental for me. The photos and writing are so quintessentially Deb. When I was trapped in a cubicle, I poured over her and Heidi Swanson's work. Printing out all the recipes I wanted to try (in color, of course), put them in plastic sleeves, and in a three ring binder because those things are at your disposal working in an office."

Not only did I do exactly the same thing with the binder, I did so filling it with Deb and Heidi's recipes! And, I still have it! I had already felt like Sara's words struck my soul but this post sealed the deal. The way she feels, thinks and views the world around her is nearly identical to me and I feel like I've got this kindred spirit out there that I must one day meet. I haven't yet tried her recipes but you can put money on the fact that at least ten will be made in the coming days.

This food world, this unbelievably daunting world full of talent so great it'd make you turn and run in fear, is made so much more wonderful (and possible!) by people like Sara. Since graduating from culinary school, the devil on my shoulder so often outweighs the angel by telling me that I just can't do it. It's completely reassuring to know that other people have taken the leap, quit their job and pursued their dream. They are living examples of what the doubts will do to paralyze you unless you just have faith to take a risk. Believe. DO.

I'm so thrilled to have this new addition to my food blog treasures. I'm more inspired than ever to look ahead at what could be, no IS, possible for me as I figure out what my place in the food world will be. Until then, cheers to you, Sara. Thank you for sharing your life, marriage, family and food with us. I can't wait to continue following your journey and perhaps even follow in your footsteps.

Until then, here's to big binders full of precious old recipes, new cookbooks from incredible artists and unending Bon Appetit magazines:

Who Am I?

Samuel Johnson said sorrow is the mere rust of the soul; activity will cleanse and brighten it. JK Rowling also said numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. I've been putting both of these into practice fully the past few weeks and, over the weekend, it all reached a boiling point. No need to share details. I simply write honestly from my spirit and recall precious words from my counselor years ago about using this avenue to be vulnerable and exposed, two of the only things that really push me to grow. So, details aren't necessary. The therapy of writing is.

I had a very tough weekend and I simply couldn't stop my thoughts and feelings from spiraling into confusion, self doubt and heartache. I think I've definitely numbed some pain for a while and, as my mom has told me, I need to stare it directly in the face and deal with it. You don't heal by going around something, you heal by going through it. I haven't wanted to feel any of this, I've wanted to block it out and pretend it's not happening. But, it is. So, now I have to deal with it.

Recently, all I can think is who am I? What is my place here and what is my direction? These questions are life-long confusions for most of us out there and I know I'm not uniquely alone here. For years, I've been ambitiously driven to create a life for myself full of meaning, purpose and passion. I've succeeded greatly for the most part so facing some of these things right now is hard for me. I'm not used to feeling so displaced or having heartache momentarily direct my steps. While temporary, it's blinded me to being able to see life in Denver clearly or to find my place amidst the sea of confusion I'm trying to stay afloat in. I know that time will go by, my heart will heal and that element will no longer be a part of this life equation but, for me currently, it's more about learning to accept and understand that I cannot control every aspect of my life.

Life is undeniably precious and short, something I think most all of us forget and take for granted. Why is it so very easy to lose sight of the precious gifts we do have and instead focus on what we don't have? We have no idea what's around every turn and how quickly something can be taken away from us. I think it's our responsibility to appreciate every second we have, even in heartache, and to understand the richness in our lives. Since the start of this year, it's been my deepest desire to live out of a humble, grateful heart and it's so easy to lose sight of that. In these recent months, I've had to face many of my mistakes, demons and things I regret. It's really exhausting but, when you want to be better, you have to reveal these things to yourself and change them. I'm pretty sure that all of these questions I have right now are for a very specific purpose. I don't think I could see some of these mistakes or poor choices I've made without being really alone to figure it out. See, I'm that stubborn and sometimes I can't see right in front of me because of my own pride. It's one thing that seems to creep back up cyclically and I think I'm finally at the point where I just can't take it anymore. I have got to tear down that pride and put it to rest, once and for all.

I truly believe that pain or heartache is one of the only things that can really grab us and shake us to the core. Losing something or someone that you love seems to be the one way that life turns you upside down and really makes you see the choice to pick yourself up and grow or not. I can never be that person that wallows, I'm simply not built that way. But, being the person who's always viewed as so strong and driven can really be hard to live up to sometimes. This weekend, I cried more than I have in a long time and I think I needed to do that. As I mentioned before, vulnerability is not my forte and it pierces my soul sometimes to allow myself to feel that. I'm slowly understanding that it's part of healing and part of becoming the woman I really want to be.

Much like my time alone in Lucca last summer, I feel lost at points. It's foreign, uncomfortable and it rattles me. Yet, those exact reactions to it all are exactly why I know that I'm right where I should be, going through just what I need to. It's for a divine, purposeful reason. Even though it hurts, I'm trying to shed the strong, prideful skin that I wear so easily and become a softer, less fearful version of myself. I want to walk in love, light and humility and stop being the person that thinks I know best. With a grateful heart, I want to see the goodness in life and allow the freedom of forgiveness and letting go to be what fuels me. I want to be able to open the door to a life full of liberation and acceptance of not only the person that I am, but acceptance of the people around me. My faults, my strengths, my quirks, my fears...these are a fraction of the things that make up who I am. So, as I question that very thing going forward, I'm beyond committed to embracing everything that this time in life is teaching me. I just need to remind myself that it's ok to fail, ok to stumble and ok to let go. More than anything, it's ok to accept myself just as I am. May I step into a fresh season of life with renewed perspective and with a great, true, sincere love of me.